


Barely dawn and I’ve already fallen in love (again)

by Mindovermatter



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec is the greatest bf, Alec's POV, Beautiful love, Declarations Of Love, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Boyfriends, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff, Happy Ending, I Love You, Lazy Mornings, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Malec, Malec Angst, Malec Fluff, Morning Kisses, No Smut, No Spoilers, One Shot, One True Pairing, POV First Person, Pillow Talk, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Sappy Ending, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, They're Really in Love, True Love, adoring each other, background and past moments, malec one shot, past struggle and abuse, perfect partners, soft boyfriends, waking up next to each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 00:18:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15303273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mindovermatter/pseuds/Mindovermatter
Summary: Alec wakes up next to Magnus and adores him as he wonders. He thinks back to some recent events and worries about how Magnus is handling them. But as he sees Magnus look so peaceful next to him, he relaxes and lets his worries go. He allows himself to just admire the beauty of the moment and the very man next to him.





	Barely dawn and I’ve already fallen in love (again)

It was barely dawn on Sunday morning, when I felt myself waking up to a tame noise. At first, a negative but a common thought entered my mind. It was most likely Magnus who’d probably been up all night. I was barely awake, yet I could feel my body tense and fill up with worry instantly. I had been so worried about him lately, especially now that I knew more of what he’d been through. What made it worse was how strictly he kept that pain hidden from me. I knew he was doing it mostly for my sake, but he didn't know that if I had it my way, all of his feelings and struggles would be mine too - so he'd have someone to share the baggage with. But I could understand why he didn’t want to drag me down with him. I would've done the same thing if the roles were reversed. Because not only is love about supporting one another, it's also about protecting each other from any pain, even if it is your own. Sometimes one annuals the other. But I do think that in this case it was mostly about fear - his fear of how I'd react. He was afraid to let me in. He was guarded and he was wary of being so open with someone as it had never worked out well for him in the past. I’d be scared too to be honest.

It broke my heart to see him suffer and not be able to stop it from happening. Loving someone this much and not being able to fully be there for them is overthrowing.

But the thing was - this was far worse than hearing the truth, no matter how ugly it might be. That's why I truly hoped he did it for himself, not for me. That way I could live with it - if I knew it was what was right for him. But I didn't and it was killing me.

I couldn’t speak for others, but I highly doubted anyone had loved Magnus as much as I did, which meant that I had to prove myself to him. Show him that I could do better, be better than any of the ones that were here before me. I had to make sure he knew I'd never leave him - no matter how hard it got. If I had any say in the matter, he'd never be alone ever again.

_He had been pushing me away for days and I hadn’t known if I should push back harder. I had asked if he was okay, if something was wrong, but he had bypassed my desperate efforts every time. It was almost like he was distracted no matter what he was doing, stuck in his own head and the torture his mind provided. He had been distant and detached from me and everyone else for too long for me to believe it would go away with time. Without any help._

_Even though he had told me some of what he was going through, I doubted it’d all be alright now. It was unrealistic to assume that just because he had opened up, his wounds would magically heal and allow him to move past it that easily. Nothing gets solved over night after all. His cuts ran deeper than I could ever imagine and there was nothing I could do to heal those scars. All I could do was nurture them and make sure he wouldn’t gain any more of them - ever again._

I slowly stretched my arms and turned around, facing the other side of the bed. To my surprise, I saw Magnus lay there, right next to me, fast asleep. A big smile formed upon my face. He was getting better, regaining his strength. Then I realized that I had made that happen. I had chosen to make him talk, instead of giving him too much space like I usually do. I had given him a little push towards recovery. I had made him open up and I knew how rarely Magnus allowed himself to do that. I knew it wasn’t easy for him to crack open those big stone walls that protected him from pain too aching, from memories he didn’t want to reminisce. I knew most people didn’t even get a peek behind them. I was one of the few people to ever have seen them open. See his heart open in such a real genuine way. What a beautiful thing it was. I wanted the whole world to know that Magnus, to get to know and see that beauty, but I wanted him all to myself much more.

_When Izzy had told me to do just that, not give him too much space, I had told her that that was not what needed to be done. Even though a part of me knew that she was right and I was wrong, I was too scared to believe her. I needed to do more, try harder than I had so far, to get anything out of him. But letting things run their course was what I did best. I knew how to stay out of things, not how to be the fix of them. That was my first instinct, the reaction I always had when something was hard for me to deal with. My instinct was to avoid the problem and hope it would fix itself, especially when it was about a personal matter. As a leader, the Head of the Institute, I could make hard choices and solve conflicts of the greater scale. But when it was about someone I deeply cared about, I was stuck. It felt as if my mind went blank and no words would come out._

_But later that day, when I was alone thinking about what I should do, I thought about how I had given space to everyone who was struggling with something and how much damage it had later done. I could've stopped so many things from happening, but instead I had chosen to stay away. I had left people alone with their pain and like that made it worse for them. All that could’ve been prevented, if I had had the courage to face it with them. But I had never seen it that way until now. I had been blind to my part, or rather the lack of it, in every situation. I hadn't thought of the difference my interference could've done. I had always been so convinced of impartiality being the best option I had, the right thing for me to do - as I didn't know what I needed to do to help. I always managed to make the wrong things seem right in my realm. But I never did any good like that, never changed anything for the better, for anyone. It wasn't until Magnus that I started to see things more clearly. He taught me how to try harder to be better._

_And that was why I didn't let myself make that same mistake with Magnus._

_I had never allowed anyone to help me either. But with Magnus it was different. He didn't let me choose. He didn’t let me be too stubborn to allow help. He made me want to be better than that. He fought my battles with me, not asking for permission to do so. He made me talk when I needed to talk. He sat there next to me in silence when he knew there was nothing to be said._

_He has been there for me in all the ways I've needed him to be. He has helped simply by acknowledging what I've been going through and accepting it._

_I had thought about the trauma he had encountered with and the pain it had caused him. The hurt I had seen so clearly in his eyes and heard in his voice. Suddenly, I had realized, that no matter how bad I was at consulting others and how much I hated to see him like that, I had to try. I wanted to give back what he had given me. Endless love and enduring support. After all, he had been the one to get me out of the prison I had created for myself and now I was free of my own personal hell, all because he cared enough to help me break the walls down. I knew Magnus was stuck in a similar place and he deserved to be helped out. He was locked away and the least I could do, was give him a hand. I had my love to give and all I could do was hope it was enough. If there was anything I could do, it was to love Magnus. I counted on that._

My heart was full for the first time in days. Seeing him lay there so peacefully, brought life into me. Hearing him breathe, seeing his chest go up and down, was like assurance of world peace. It made me feel like everything was alright, even though reality didn’t agree.

In the middle of war, I could still feel thankful, just because I got to be here, with him. That was really all I needed - him and I together. It was us or nothing. As long as he was here, safe and sound, so was I.

I hadn’t seen him look so peaceful and relaxed for what felt like eternity. I had been so fixated on Magnus, I had barely taken a moment to breathe myself. His state of affairs was straight deflected to mine. Everything was better when he was happy, and when he was hurting so was I. But I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, because at least I knew that that meant he'd never be alone - with any of it.

I was now wide awake from adoring Magnus for so long. I was still watching him intensely, concentrating on the details of his face, and admiring the beauty of them. His breathing had calmed down and he had settled down to one spot, barely moving a limb. I knew he did that when he was pretending to be asleep. He didn’t realize that he always gave me a sign. He did it more often than not, just to mess with me and I guess partially because it gave us that extra time of peace and quiet. It was a bliss, laying in bed with him without saying a word, but feeling the positive energy so clearly. He said he enjoyed just laying next to me and knowing I was looking at him, waiting for him to wake up. He said he could feel the love vibrating off of me and he wasn’t wrong. I could have admired him for days straight. It was my favorite thing to do. It was like a reboot. A way to be stronger when I was at my weakest. To get up and try harder when I needed to. Before him, I had nothing but myself. Yet I didn’t know how to do anything for myself. It was easier to just let other people define and live solely for other people or causes I was fixated on. I had been in a crossfire between everything I wanted and everything I felt like I needed to do, everything I thought I was supposed to be, for so long. I hadn't had anything that gave me hope, of a different world, a different life, a different me. Nothing had felt right, until I met him. That’s when it all fell in place. That’s when life started to make sense. He helped me figure out how to live for myself and how to just be myself and be okay with it.

It was exhilarating, seeing him finally be okay. All these things kept running through my mind, but all I was really focused on was his lips. I wanted to kiss them so badly, but I didn’t want to wake him up, in case he was still asleep. I knew he probably wasn’t, but I didn’t want him to know that. He knew that I always waited for him to wake up before getting out of bed and he always dragged that time out. I would’ve done the same thing if I didn’t always wake up before him.

I was patiently waiting for him to open his eyes, just taking in his facial expressions, features and lines. Suddenly, he moved his hand to my face, cupping my neck, which made me flinch from surprise a bit. I saw a smile form on his lips from the reaction. I could tell he was trying hard not to smile, but it was noticeable. I hadn’t seen that beautiful, sincere smile in days. When I finally did, I recognized it immediately and I was determined to keep it on as long as I could. He opened his eyes slowly and looked at me, and I swear to god, I fell in love all over again. I laughed softly and kissed him instantly, softly but with passion. I felt him smile wider against my lips, but then he melted into the kiss with me.

I had waited more than long enough to do that. To press my lips on his. I wasn’t going to stop until he made me stop. Kissing him was like waking up and his lips were my alarm clock. Only it wasn’t something I dreaded, it was something I waited for. I couldn’t wait to wake up next to him and get to press myself against his body. Every muscle of his was my pillow and his skin felt like silk sheets on my skin. Waking up next to him, just made it all so easy. It always guaranteed a good day. It was like starting the day on the right foot, in the right place, with the right person. Who wouldn’t want to start a day off like that.

He was the first one to pull back. I could tell he was a bit shaken from the kiss. It had gotten heated and passionate almost immediately and we both knew we had to stop when we did, if we were going to stop it from going further. I knew he didn’t have time for that, so I let him break it apart, as much as I hated it.

"I hate to stop this, believe me, but I have got to get going”, Magnus said with sincere disappointment, after checking the time from his phone.

“I know, it’s fine. I’ll still be here when you get back”, I said with a bright smile.

“Wait, you don’t have to go to the institute today?” Magnus asked, excitement voicing through his words.

“I do, but not until 6 pm and you’ll probably be done long before then”, I said happily.

“I’ll be sure to be as fast as I can then”, Magnus said and smiled flirtatiously, “wouldn’t want to keep you waiting”.

“I don’t mind waiting for something as good as you”, I said casually, totally ignoring how hopelessly romantic that sounded.

“Aren’t you just the biggest flirt” Magnus said as he blushed slightly.

“I’ll make the wait worth your while, I promise”, he said teasingly, sounding incredibly sweet despite what he was hinting at.

“And I promise to lay on this bed naked when you get back”, I said back in a disgustingly flirty way.

“Was it that obvious that that was what I was implying, or do you just know me that well?” Magnus said with a smirk on his face.

“Maybe both”, I said with a little laugh.

“Okay well I better get going then”, Magnus said while getting up from the bed. I took his hand and pulled him back. I placed my lips roughly on his and passionately kissed him, giving him everything I had.

“I love you”, I said after I let him go. It felt surreal how much I meant it. I kept meaning it more and more every day. He just made it so easy to keep falling deeper and harder in love with him.

“I love you so much more”, Magnus said beamingly, as he got up from bed and left the room in a hurry.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! Feel welcome to give me feedback, it's always very much appreciated.


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